it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
