so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
