she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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