dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
