I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
