I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
