I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
