I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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