my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
