I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
