i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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