I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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