I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
