and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
