For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
