i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
