if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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