trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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