ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i drank out of a bidet.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
