I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
