I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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