all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
