i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
