I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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