I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
