Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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