My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
