He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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