Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
