where am i from again
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
