do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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