You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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