he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
