You're my little dorito
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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