I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
