you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
