We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
