I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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