I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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