UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
