I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
