Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
