well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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