Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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