Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
