I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
