i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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