do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
