Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
