my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
