There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
