i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
