no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
