No awkward lesbian experiences without me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i dont even know how to be here
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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