the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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